Harley Softtail - first Ride
Originally published on the Irish Biker Forum back in 2009.
Re-publishing here by request.
This has to start with a laugh and it is just going to get funnier.
Shinwacker posted a thread here which in all fairness deserves a decent reply, so here goes!
Stellar being the crazy mad person that she is decided she was going to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft and not only that but she was going to drag some others out of the aircraft with her. The Jump
Me? Not a chance! But I was happy to organise a few people to go down and cheer them on.
Actually it was more like shame them into going through with it.
The truth be known I was envious. I would never have the nerve to do it no matter how much you paid me. So having cheered them all on it was time for breakfast and I can honestly say I have never laughed so much at a brekkie as Shinwacker was in great form. My face was hurting from smiling and laughing so much. It really was a great morning, great company, great roads, great weather................................................average breakfast
After breakfast I wanted to get going as I had promised Karen I would get home early. So I was absolutely thrilled when Shinners asked me to lead him home as he was completely lost and he had heard the locals eat their young, let alone a nice meaty dish like him
So I tootle off with Dick in tow. Actually not literally in tow. I don't think my beamer would tow his Harley as it only has an 1150cc engine
I couldn't believe how lucky we were with the weather as it was obvious that there had been serious rain on the roads we had come down on in the dry. And here we were riding home in bright sunshine.
Now as Dick said he made mention of the fact that he had been offered a go on a sports bike and he was going to do it. And all I could see was Dick killing himself on his mates blackbird. Whereas here I was on a bike that was infinitely closer to sports bike than the Harley but sensible enough to be a good introduction for Dick. And I know Dick and I know he would treat my bike with far greater respect than I do. In fact I know he would treat it with more respect than his own bike. So, yes, I did keep pressing him to take a go on it!
I know he thinks I really really wanted a go on his Harley but the truth really was I thought he would get a laugh from the Beamer and he wouldn't kill himself.
But in borrowing my bike there was a high price to pay. I would have to pilot the Harley. And Pilot is the right word. Not pilot as in a F14 Tomcat Navy fighter pilot. Not even an Airbus A320 pilot.
No, this was more like the pilot at the helm of a supertanker as he steers the mother into the worlds largest deep water harbour. Only not quite as nimble and a bigger turning circle.
I climb on board the Harley and the first thing that crosses your mind is that somebody has stolen the widescreen TV because, out of this couch, all you can see is straight ahead. I quickly gather that the handlebars are there to keep you in a slightly slouched position that stops you from lying flat out and drifting off to sleep. I initially mistook the rear pillion seat as a pillow for the rider!
So Dick goes over the operating instructions which mostly seem to centre on some sort of fob he has hanging around his neck. He passes this fob to me and I put over my head and let it fall to rest on my chest. I can feel a tinkling and sneak a look inside my shirt and I can see hairs growing instantly where the fob rests. OMG it has instantly turned me into a real man. But I do note that all the deep dark hair that was there already is turning rapidly into a bright grey colour!
The moment arrives for me to pull out. Now there is a sense of urgency as some lunatic with an open face helmet and bright orange pigtails has just whored off down the road on my bike I twist the throttle and then twist some more and then a bit more. Eventually the message has got through and the engine responds. I thought I heard a voice with a broad Scottish accent shouting "all ahead full!"
The first challenge I face, having lumbered up the road, is a corner. Fecking 'ell a corner. This thing could not possibly turn. It is a couch for gawd sake.
So I muscle the bike over. I use every bit of my strength to lean this behemoth into the corner. My internal protractor tells me the precise lean angle of the bike as I almost scrape the arse off the tarmac. The bike is tilted at precisely 1.5 degrees. Oh and just in case you didn't get that it was one point five degrees and not fifteen!
Now the next challenge. There is a red light ahead I am going to have to stop.
Hmmm that really doesn't convey what went through my mind. if was more
OH HOLY FCUKING GAWD I HAVE TO STOP THIS BUSTARD
I apply the front brake and get no response. None, nadda, not a feckin thing. I apply the rear brake. It does act as a nice foot rest when you want to put your feet up but as brake? I am beginning to think that brakes were an optional extra that Dick's money just didn't run to.
Then I hear it! Yep there it is. I here that little Scottish bloke shouting again. I can here him shouting "Cap'n there is something coming through on the teletype". And with that it begins to slow. Thank you lord.
It comes to rest at the lights and I take time to visit one of the rooms in the bike that has a small chapel set up for you to contemplate things and maybe offer up thanks!
And then we are off again. I run down the stairs from the chapel passing the pool room, where two lads are playing a fairly intense game. Bursting back out into the sunshine I jump into the front seat again and quickly finish the letter I am writing to the engine. I hope the letter arrives soon because I think the lights are going to change again.
Now we are on a dual carriageway and I say lets open this baby up. It was more a wish, a dream, a wistful thought, no doubt brought on by the bright sunshine. And eventually open up it does. So much so that I am instantly aware that there is an obstacle in my path. it looks blue. it is slowing very very fast.
It has orange pigtails Oh please Gawd, please help me to slow down before I crush my own bike under the weight of this monster. I am fairly certain Dick will be lost to us too but screw that! He is on MY bike!
But stop we do. I am certain the riding position appeared a little strange to the car behind, seeing as I was on one side of the bike with both feet on the rear brake peddle while also leaning out like one of those guys on the side of a fast sailing yacht trying to tilt the bike over in order to steer it off the course it is determined to follow.
Smmmoooooooothhhh
I am not going to go on about Dick's reaction to the beamer. He has said it so well himself. But Dick, do think Bandit and think GT - great version with loads of extras. Check out the UK for one.
And me on the Harley. Did I hate it .................NO
Would I take it for a spin again.........................Hell Yes!
Would I take it on a slow tour of Europe, two up and take a month................abso..feckin...lutely!
Will I own one? It would definitely be in the lotto stable!
It was a hell of a laugh and I am really grateful to Dick for entrusting it to me.
Re-publishing here by request.
Harley Softtail - first Ride
15 JUNE 2009
Posted by The Greek AKA The Cat 
This has to start with a laugh and it is just going to get funnier.Shinwacker posted a thread here which in all fairness deserves a decent reply, so here goes!
Stellar being the crazy mad person that she is decided she was going to jump out of a perfectly good aircraft and not only that but she was going to drag some others out of the aircraft with her. The Jump
Me? Not a chance! But I was happy to organise a few people to go down and cheer them on.
Actually it was more like shame them into going through with it.
The truth be known I was envious. I would never have the nerve to do it no matter how much you paid me. So having cheered them all on it was time for breakfast and I can honestly say I have never laughed so much at a brekkie as Shinwacker was in great form. My face was hurting from smiling and laughing so much. It really was a great morning, great company, great roads, great weather................................................average breakfast
After breakfast I wanted to get going as I had promised Karen I would get home early. So I was absolutely thrilled when Shinners asked me to lead him home as he was completely lost and he had heard the locals eat their young, let alone a nice meaty dish like him
So I tootle off with Dick in tow. Actually not literally in tow. I don't think my beamer would tow his Harley as it only has an 1150cc engine
I couldn't believe how lucky we were with the weather as it was obvious that there had been serious rain on the roads we had come down on in the dry. And here we were riding home in bright sunshine.
Now as Dick said he made mention of the fact that he had been offered a go on a sports bike and he was going to do it. And all I could see was Dick killing himself on his mates blackbird. Whereas here I was on a bike that was infinitely closer to sports bike than the Harley but sensible enough to be a good introduction for Dick. And I know Dick and I know he would treat my bike with far greater respect than I do. In fact I know he would treat it with more respect than his own bike. So, yes, I did keep pressing him to take a go on it!
I know he thinks I really really wanted a go on his Harley but the truth really was I thought he would get a laugh from the Beamer and he wouldn't kill himself.
But in borrowing my bike there was a high price to pay. I would have to pilot the Harley. And Pilot is the right word. Not pilot as in a F14 Tomcat Navy fighter pilot. Not even an Airbus A320 pilot.
No, this was more like the pilot at the helm of a supertanker as he steers the mother into the worlds largest deep water harbour. Only not quite as nimble and a bigger turning circle.
I climb on board the Harley and the first thing that crosses your mind is that somebody has stolen the widescreen TV because, out of this couch, all you can see is straight ahead. I quickly gather that the handlebars are there to keep you in a slightly slouched position that stops you from lying flat out and drifting off to sleep. I initially mistook the rear pillion seat as a pillow for the rider!
So Dick goes over the operating instructions which mostly seem to centre on some sort of fob he has hanging around his neck. He passes this fob to me and I put over my head and let it fall to rest on my chest. I can feel a tinkling and sneak a look inside my shirt and I can see hairs growing instantly where the fob rests. OMG it has instantly turned me into a real man. But I do note that all the deep dark hair that was there already is turning rapidly into a bright grey colour!
The moment arrives for me to pull out. Now there is a sense of urgency as some lunatic with an open face helmet and bright orange pigtails has just whored off down the road on my bike
I twist the throttle and then twist some more and then a bit more. Eventually the message has got through and the engine responds. I thought I heard a voice with a broad Scottish accent shouting "all ahead full!"The first challenge I face, having lumbered up the road, is a corner. Fecking 'ell a corner. This thing could not possibly turn. It is a couch for gawd sake.
So I muscle the bike over. I use every bit of my strength to lean this behemoth into the corner. My internal protractor tells me the precise lean angle of the bike as I almost scrape the arse off the tarmac. The bike is tilted at precisely 1.5 degrees. Oh and just in case you didn't get that it was one point five degrees and not fifteen!
Now the next challenge. There is a red light ahead I am going to have to stop.
Hmmm that really doesn't convey what went through my mind. if was more
OH HOLY FCUKING GAWD I HAVE TO STOP THIS BUSTARD
I apply the front brake and get no response. None, nadda, not a feckin thing. I apply the rear brake. It does act as a nice foot rest when you want to put your feet up but as brake? I am beginning to think that brakes were an optional extra that Dick's money just didn't run to.
Then I hear it! Yep there it is. I here that little Scottish bloke shouting again. I can here him shouting "Cap'n there is something coming through on the teletype". And with that it begins to slow. Thank you lord.
It comes to rest at the lights and I take time to visit one of the rooms in the bike that has a small chapel set up for you to contemplate things and maybe offer up thanks!
And then we are off again. I run down the stairs from the chapel passing the pool room, where two lads are playing a fairly intense game. Bursting back out into the sunshine I jump into the front seat again and quickly finish the letter I am writing to the engine. I hope the letter arrives soon because I think the lights are going to change again.
Now we are on a dual carriageway and I say lets open this baby up. It was more a wish, a dream, a wistful thought, no doubt brought on by the bright sunshine. And eventually open up it does. So much so that I am instantly aware that there is an obstacle in my path. it looks blue. it is slowing very very fast.
It has orange pigtails
Oh please Gawd, please help me to slow down before I crush my own bike under the weight of this monster. I am fairly certain Dick will be lost to us too but screw that! He is on MY bike!But stop we do. I am certain the riding position appeared a little strange to the car behind, seeing as I was on one side of the bike with both feet on the rear brake peddle while also leaning out like one of those guys on the side of a fast sailing yacht trying to tilt the bike over in order to steer it off the course it is determined to follow.
Smmmoooooooothhhh
I am not going to go on about Dick's reaction to the beamer. He has said it so well himself. But Dick, do think Bandit and think GT - great version with loads of extras. Check out the UK for one.
And me on the Harley. Did I hate it .................NO
Would I take it for a spin again.........................Hell Yes!
Would I take it on a slow tour of Europe, two up and take a month................abso..feckin...lutely!
Will I own one? It would definitely be in the lotto stable!
It was a hell of a laugh and I am really grateful to Dick for entrusting it to me.
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